Adopted by nobody on behalf of nobody else
DECLARATION OF TEXTILE INDEPENDENCE
We hold these truths to be commercially inconvenient: that all torsos are created differently, that they are endowed by their owners with certain unalienable dimensions, and that among these are neck circumference, sleeve preference and the pursuit of a shirt that does not fit like a municipal uniform.
Torso sovereignty
No person, board, commission, warehouse algorithm or enthusiastic assistant manager shall possess superior authority over another person's measurements.
Abolition of mandatory sizing
Small, medium, large, XL and the shadowy territory called "athletic fit" may be used voluntarily, but no garment shall pretend these categories describe the full diversity of human geometry.
Unit self-determination
Every customer may measure in inches, centimeters, millimeters, hands, cubits, barleycorns or a privately defined unit, provided the meaning is communicated clearly enough that a tailor does not have to summon an economist.
Freedom of collar
The collar shall be spread, point, button-down, banded, absent, magnificent or frankly confusing according to the preference of the wearer. No neck shall be collectivized.
Private pockets
Pockets are private property. Their contents shall not be inventoried by committee. The owner may carry a notebook, a silver coin, three hex keys, a receipt from 2018 or nothing whatsoever.
No fabric without representation
No synthetic blend shall be introduced merely because Procurement obtained a favorable quarterly volume agreement. Fabric choice belongs to the wearer and whatever consequences their laundry habits create.
Right to repair and alter
Owners may hem, patch, taper, embroider, reinforce, remove buttons, replace buttons, move buttons, reject buttons philosophically or hire someone better at buttons.
No eminent domain over belt loops
No adjacent garment may annex shirt territory for a "higher and better use." Pants shall remain in their lane.
Voluntary tuck doctrine
The Mandatory Tuck Commission is dissolved. A shirt may be tucked, untucked, half-tucked or allowed to negotiate its own relationship with gravity.
Freedom of exchange
Any medium of exchange voluntarily accepted by both sides is respectable, including the deeply annoying one your friend has been explaining since 2017. Our voluntary answer to fiat is no. Your freedom to offer dollars does not create an obligation for our cashier to stop hissing.
Right to leave
Any person may exit this manifesto at any time without submitting a cancellation request, scheduling a retention call or explaining why to a chatbot named Trent.
No taxation without getting off our lawn
The treasury shall receive neither sleeve, cuff nor button. Sales tax is rejected as a compulsory minority ownership stake in somebody else's shirt. Our fiscal policy is an unplugged fax machine*.
Separation of shirt and state
No permit shall be sought for the peaceful assembly of cotton. A sewing circle shall not be mistaken for a legislature. Any needle attempting to introduce an appropriations bill will be replaced by a less ambitious needle.
Sound money, questionable laundry
The garment shall not be backed by government promises. It is backed by fabric. Quantitative easing of the chest shall require adding actual fabric, not issuing a statement that the tightness is transitory.
Organizational chart
GOVERNANCE, MINIMIZED UNTIL IT BECAME DECORATIVE.
The founders attempted to create a flat organization and accidentally removed the organization.