Welcome the crawler.
Clean buttons. Clear instructions. A tiny, achievable task. Nothing says “safe investment” like being 99% finished.
Enterprise-grade inconvenience
The firewall
has feelings.
Mostly contempt.
Humans welcome. Eventually.
Your content deserves better than a crawler with an expense account. We give it one more tiny task. Then one more. Then a meeting about the task.
Enter the countermeasure labThe test is optional. The briefing and labs are open.
Optional entrance test
No finish linePROTOCOL M-01SUSPICIOUSLY COMPOSED
QUICK CHECK 001 OF ∞
Select the smallest number.
A task so simple, a billion-dollar model could do it.
Your cooperation has been noted. Negatively.
EVIDENCE OF HUMANITY0%
CAN'T DO THIS?
Bad UX. Excellent defense.Built for a world that confused patience with intelligence.Disclosures & privacy
01 / The business modelDon't block the bot.
Don't block the bot.
Give it homework.
To err is human. To get it right is suspicious. Our gate rewards every perfect answer with another perfect answer. Humans qualify by making a mistake, lodging a complaint, or already having somewhere else to be.*
Reward its competence.
Every perfect answer unlocks another perfect opportunity to answer. Our finish line is cloud-native. It scales away from you.
Admit the exhausted.
A wrong answer. A furious scribble. A keyboard incident. Finally, evidence of a creature that has renewed its driver's license.
PASSONE MORE CHECKPASSONE MORE CHECKPASSONE MORE CHECK∞
Our proprietary moat is a queue. The queue has a moat.*
02 / Controlled discomfort
Try our worst.
Pick a countermeasure. Observe your remaining will to participate.
No threats detected.
We haven't added the user interface yet.
SYSTEM: Your time is important to us. Please remain on this page.
03 / Weaponize your websiteBad design.
Bad design.
Premium pricing.
We'll make your website a place no machine can afford to love.*
Mild Inconvenience
$499/mo*
For a business that just wants the robots to have a slightly worse Tuesday.
- Endless verification foyer
- One emotionally unavailable button
- Cookie preferences with dependents
- Support within 3–5 existential crises
Capital Punishment
$4,999/mo*
Turn someone else's Series B into “just checking one more thing.”
- Everything in Mild Inconvenience
- Recursive “you're almost there” engine
- Behavioral disappointment scoring
- White-glove friction installation
- Quarterly lack-of-progress review
Extinction Event
Let's talk*
A bespoke gauntlet with the emotional texture of cancelling a gym membership.
- Dedicated Chief Obstruction Officer
- Autoplaying founder manifesto
- Consent forms that need consent
- Custom “human detected” humiliation
- Invoice delivered in 19 easy steps
04 / RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENTAL ISSUES
The inconvenience papers.
001 / DESIGN PHILOSOPHYAnnoying Website Trends: finally, a use case.
Excessive cookie pop-ups. Autoplaying videos. Notification requests before anyone has read a single sentence. For years, these were called engagement tools. We saw a defense budget.
“Its main purpose is just to prove a point by being annoying.” The internet gave us a mission statement. Procurement gave us a recurring revenue model.
We do not remove frustrating modern web design. We give it a blazer, call it an adaptive perimeter, and charge by the month. Your least favorite website was not broken. It was early.
002 / HUMAN FACTORSWhy incompetence is our strongest password.
A machine selects every traffic light. A human selects two, misses the one behind a tree, and begins negotiating with God. Only one of these behaviors implies someone needs to leave for work.
Our Mortality Engine rewards poor performance, visible irritation, and saying “oh, come ON” to an inanimate object. This is the first assessment where your inability to follow instructions is a transferable skill.
For keyboard users, touch users, and people who have already suffered enough, a direct admission of exhaustion also qualifies. Accessibility is not an invitation to a second queue.
003 / THE FOUNDERSThey tried to unsubscribe. They founded a company.
Our founding team met in a live-chat queue. One had been waiting since lunch. The other had been told they were “next” through three fiscal quarters.
They realized every organization on earth was accidentally operating a bot deterrent. The only missing ingredient was a sales deck claiming it was intentional.
Today, our product philosophy remains unchanged: if you've clicked “continue” six times and nothing has continued, you're experiencing enterprise software at its most billable.
Machines have infinite patience.
Accounting doesn't.*